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Encountering rejection, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. An editor is saying no, delivering a firm “No.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to setbacks. I started proposing manuscripts half a century past, right after finishing university. From that point, I have had multiple books rejected, along with article pitches and numerous essays. During the recent score of years, specializing in commentary, the rejections have grown more frequent. Regularly, I get a setback every few days—totaling over 100 annually. In total, rejections in my profession run into thousands. Today, I might as well have a master’s in rejection.

So, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. Because, finally, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with being turned down.

How Did I Achieve It?

Some context: By this stage, just about everyone and others has rejected me. I haven’t counted my success rate—it would be quite demoralizing.

For example: not long ago, a newspaper editor nixed 20 submissions in a row before approving one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 publishing houses vetoed my memoir proposal before someone gave the green light. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a nonfiction book proposal. One editor even asked that I send my work only once a month.

The Steps of Rejection

Starting out, each denial stung. I felt attacked. It seemed like my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, surprise. How could this happen? How could editors be ignore my talent?
• Next, denial. Surely they rejected the mistake? This must be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my efforts? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• After that, frustration at them, followed by frustration with me. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often mixed with delusion). How can I convince you to see me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, depression. I’m not talented. What’s more, I can never become successful.

So it went for decades.

Notable Examples

Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Stories of creators whose work was originally declined are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was first rejected. Since they did overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his youth squad. Many American leaders over the last 60 years had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and get going, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

Acceptance

As time passed, as I reached my later years, I achieved the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Today, I better understand the many reasons why someone says no. For starters, an publisher may have recently run a similar piece, or have one in progress, or simply be considering that idea for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or the evaluator thinks I lack the credentials or stature to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the business for the wares I am peddling. Or was busy and reviewed my piece hastily to recognize its value.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are always not up to you.

Within Control

Some aspects are your fault. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or a part about my punctuation, especially semicolons, was annoying.

The essence is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve authored several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a memoir, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in publications big and little, in local, national and global platforms. An early piece ran in my twenties—and I have now written to various outlets for 50 years.

Yet, no blockbusters, no signings in bookshops, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can better take rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest successes have cushioned the stings of my frequent denials. I can choose to be reflective about it all now.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What insights have I acquired?

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